tirsdag den 6. marts 2012

Who sees the forgotten families?

My daughter is so neglected school wise that she basically has not progressed since the progress I saw in the fall of 2008. I trusted the teachers and now I feel abused - I have loads of letters, test results, Parent teacher meeting notes as proof of being an active parent. But here I sit after she wrote an essay that "looks like" an essay she could have produced 5 years ago! I went and did research and noticed I was right - her level is much lower that anybody could have expected. It "could be" dyslexia that was well hidden, but she does not "know" much either, that is about school "stuff" - that realisation I cannot run from.

Actually right now I am trying to see what she "actually learned" at school - but sadly I see what I thought was homework was actually the whole cirriculum. Wow, the trust I had in teachers? What was I thinking? How did I let this happen? Why us?

I see she also passed maths on nothing as well. Passing her 10th grade Math test in 8th grade was not hard at all - the test is written so most kids pass it! I had no idea - and again I feel foolish. I am scared to start scratching the surface, but am going to now. This just goes to show Gifted kids pass achievement tests and it's on basics and not "knowledge". Sure says something about tests, and what they can "disguise"!

So, I sendt her school to get her from there damaged. Apart from not being taught I am also dealing with years of bullies that included 2 broken arms, called nigger child for years, not being able to sit for a week because she got shoved TWICE at two different schools! Her brother also had his fair share. And they never lashed back - since they knew the other kids that did this were having a tough time. I knew that bullying had a price, trusted it would be stopped. I just could not see it coming, to prevent it, since I was not trained to see through what schools actually allow or dismiss! So not all schools allow this - and we were just unlucky? I have yet to find a school that's not a bully central. Sad but true - we have not seen a school that really was nice, inclusive - funny how the other parents had no idea she was so bullied, nor care when I said it out loud! I will never understand why ... and to this day remember the teacher that told them: In her class she will not accept this - that teacher turned tables, but the school closed.

I am to blame for the mere fact that I actually was stupid enough to send her to school, stupid enough not to be able to find a school where she merely just could get a good selv esteem. I see my child in worse shape than her brother, that really has dyslexia. I did not expect this realisation, just as I did not expect her high IQ in 2007.

I would never have imagined what I am seeing right now - a parent fooled by the "words" of a teacher, another dumb parent not noticing that the teacher was just sayin' so I did not think to ask "questions". A parent that is asked not to say anything - being positive solves it all. Well, my positive parenting could not create positiv schooling ... oh, I'd better not blame the school system - they are good at defending their mistakes and letting kids take the blame.

Oh, and hearing and seeing all the other parents talk about their childrens achievements? When I mentioned she has not achieved I got met with, this is the best part: SHE must have Autism, you know it's something Gifted Children have. No, she has been bullied, changed schools often hoping to be seen and helped - she is paying the price so many underprivlidged Gifted Children pay.

So there you all have it! Another kid with an IQ in 98th percentile coming out of school as an uneducated child. I am not oki at all. I am still digesting it - thinking about how to solve this mess. We ALL knew she was high IQ since she was 10, we knew she was not noticed - I begged for help, went to people that promised help ... just to find it was a waste of many nights I tried to figure stuff out. I was not silent about it - I asked for help over and over. "Trust the teacher" was the answer.

Well, reading my kids story am I to blame? I will never ever trust the teacher again! My apoligies to the great teachers we have met on our way - you know who you are! But sadly its too late for BOTH my kids, the damage has been done - now it's recovery time. Again.
I am not trying to scare people, but to enlighten them so they do not end up with scary stories. Hiding the truth about your childs needs, does not work - I tried that too! Finding people that can help, works - but we need to help eachother and "create" more helpers, not hide our "sad stories" or make them into forgotten voices. Remember be carefull, but stand together and become stronger - what do we have to loose? 

So see this is why it's sad ... sad to read those words and even sadder to see I could not, "even with the knowledge about Giftedness", provide for my kids - I guess I can just smile and be positive and dance while chanting: Don't worry - they are Gifted all will be fine! And trust teachers to help them. Teachers do not have the training to fix things gone wrong. We are working with a tutor now, I work at night planning the next day - but I fear I woke up too late! Both my kids are achieving at the lower end of the achievement scale.

The realisation I failed my children, I failed to provide their first stepping stones in life is not something other parents should wake up to. This is not the first time I felt like this - but looking back I see the obstacles where hurdles too big for any mom to clear alone. We needed specialised help to advocate for "Our needs" in a system built for all the other children - maybe then we would not be as lost as we are now. Who sees the forgotten families?

Twice Exceptional Denmark

Twice Exceptional Denmark er lavet for dobbelt exceptionelle børn dvs. børn med særlige forudsætninger som samtidig har indlæringsvanskeligheder. Disse børn kan have opmærksomheds-, koncentrations- og kontakt- vanskeligheder som oftest er pga. Ordblindhed/ Dyslexi, ADHD, AS, PDD NOS, OCD, Tourette osv.

Det ofte set at Børn med særlige forudsætninger er af natur Asynkron Udviklet dvs. det halter med at deres emotionelle og sociale udvikling følger med det som ses ved jævnaldrende, samtidig med at de lærer lynhurtigt det emner de er motiveret for og ender således ofte foran jævnaldrende i disse oråder, uden sparringspartner. Børnene ender ofte meget ”misforstået” og en tværfagligindsats er nødvendig hvis sådan en situation skal kunne vendes.

Tværfaglighed bør bestå af en BMSF konsulent/psykolog og derudover specialister jvf. barnets specifikke diagnoser og andre problemer hver gang handleplaner udarbejdes, barnets evalueres osv. Men der er langt vej endnu, da BMSF ikke anerkendes i Kommunerne, og dermed overses det at barnet har behov for en ”særlig” forståelse og indsigt for at børnene kan få den rette hjælp jvf. Socialloven og Inklusion.

Men desværre ses disse børn i AKT forløb, heldagsskoler og kan ende i Udsatte grupper:

De unge, som kommer til opholdsstederne, har været vanskelige at placere i de kommunale tilbud, hvor hverken de unge, som kommer til opholdstederne eller de elever, der går i de kommunale tilbud, vil profitere af at være sammen.