onsdag den 4. april 2012

Judgment of Solomon? An International calamity ...

The Judgment of Solomon refers to a story from the Hebrew Bible in which King Solomon of Israel ruled between two women both claiming to be the mother of a child. It has become a metaphor referring to a wise judge who uses a stratagem to determine the truth, tricking the parties into revealing their true feelings. Specifically, the judge pretends that he will destroy the subject matter of a dispute, rather than allowing either disputing party to win at the expense of the other.

Since custody can matter when you have an 2e child I decided to explain how custody battles are impossible! And International ones even more so I try to explain longer down ...

When the system requires parents to agree on what their 2e child needs, this is complicated. Since I could not find a 2e case where both parents were in the newspaper, I am using an extreme case of how the law can works to help to make people and 2e parents understand how they need to work extra hard since fighting in the system is not allways as easy as it seems. 
Unbelievable ... Danish guy steals his kid back from Austria legally, after mother took the kid to Austria legally ... years of legal battle did not solve the problem! It's now an international calamity out in the open. My heart goes out to both parents, especially the child involved since I believe had they known that they would battle like this they would not have had a child born into a mess like this! Just google: Oliver Denmark Austria ...

My solution although OFTEN not possible due to the residency laws of europe:

The courts should have forced BOTH parents to stay in the same country until the child was old enough to travel! That would have served the childs needs, and forced the parents to make it work in a third country.

Before the crazy system with judges and all tried to solve a "catch 22 situation" I believe that both parents were just "normal people" since as far as I can figure out, both countries have said the parents are both fit to be parents. But normal people can do desperate things ... and that's why we depend out the legal system for help, not confusion. And here we have yet another major legal mess.

By the law as is

The moms version is right. When she left Denmark she had legal custody given to her by Danish law since she had never been married to the father. That means the kid is legally not Danish but Autrian. And she left legally, with her child. Kilde: Forsvundne Olivers mor: - Jeg skreg og skreg

The dads version is also right. A Danish court had given him legal custody. That ruling gave the kid Danish citizenship and him parental rights. Kilde: Desperat far: Oliver har det godt.
IF they were married they would have shared custody and never been in this crazy situation, but another. But they were not sooo ... a battle starts pointing out how, even if you would liketo the law is not always a solution. This battle should have had a better solution, it's always easier to blame afterwards so my heart goes out to parents and Oliver. None of you wanted this mess, not had any idea it will end here!
But since okt. 2007 the law states:
(I cannot work out if she then was covered by both the old and new when she moved with the child?)


§ 7. Forældre, der ikke er gift med hinanden, har fælles forældremyndighed, hvis
1) de efter børnelovens § 2, stk. 1, § 14, stk. 1 eller 3, eller § 19, jf. § 14, stk. 1 eller 3, har afgivet erklæring om, at de sammen vil varetage omsorgen og ansvaret for barnet, eller
2) de har indgået aftale om fælles forældremyndighed efter § 9.
Stk. 2. Dette gælder dog ikke, hvis erklæringen i stk. 1, nr. 1, er afgivet, uden at betingelserne i retsplejelovens § 448 f for her i landet at behandle spørgsmålet om forældremyndighed er opfyldt.
Stk. 3. Anses en mand for far til barnet ifølge anerkendelse eller dom, har forældrene fælles forældremyndighed, hvis de har eller har haft fælles folkeregisteradresse inden for de sidste 10 måneder før barnets fødsel.

Sadly, they are not the only parents in a mess like this. I also know that many parents that have lost their children since they were not allowed to stay in Denmark without a residency permit! Having a child does not secure residency. The laws here are tough, making it impossible for many moms and dads to choose Denmark, even if they would like to choose what isd best for their child - I believe the rules have not changed there, please correct me if I am wrong.
Many other parents have no choice but to either take or leave their kid ...  it's a serious issue for many parents.

I know the custody laws quite well and there is something very wrong here. I have known this problem is a problem. And sidestepped this by being lucky! I also did not consider international calamity of having a child with a foreigner ... and the price that has if the laws won't allow you to travel without consent.

See the laws were changed a month or two after my daugther was born and basically making her African since I was not married to her dad, and then allowing my son to become Danish if we shared custody! See the new law made it possible giving the child citizenship. Most people do not realise that unmarried moms have full custody, unless they choose to share custody. Dads have to go to court to get their share ...as foreign moms with kids born before 1999 must marry if their kids should become dansih without major palava and rules.
My daughter could not get a Danish passport UNLESS I married her dad "proforma" and we agreed we won't - why should we be forced to break the law to get a simple passport? So, I found a loop in the law, thanx to an South African judge I knew! I like th law and it was fun for him to help ... but she was 5 before she saw her African family - it took me 5 years to find a decent solution, with a tempory travel document where I was not "required to break the law" (and with my luck ... that solutions does not excist since the law changed again ... but heck she is soon 18 ... NOTE: §16 new law as of june 2013 allows a child with danish father danish citizenship! Travel documents and a real registration at long last)

Her dad agreed to have her registered fatherless via the embassy here, so she by African law has "no" father. Thus, we legally gave her a tempory passport by using an African default law: If a child is born out of wedlock, the mother does not have to register the father! So she legally could get her temporary South African passport and then apply for a propper passport.

Alas, shortly after that the South African passportlaw changed, so no South African kid can do what we did, since South Africans often travel and have babies all over the world and the old law of being fatherless was frowned upon by some person that motioned to change it. Now South Africa is now much like all over the world and Dad's have a legal right to be on the childs birth certificate, and must be put on it at birth! I have not renewed her passport and pray she can keep it ... hopefully once we have it we keep it. I tend to hit theses unseen barriers often. She will recieve her Danish passport when she is 18, so we have a plan B ... 3 more years for her to go
. And now temporary SA passports for travelling are not legal in many places as of 2012 ... jus like a fremmedpas is not a dansih passport ... just like even having a dansih passport does not mean a child has citizenship - ask for proof / documentaiotn via justitsministeriet "bevis for dansk statsborgerskab" and gaurd that document in a safety box.

When I did this I shared custody, so my son could get his Danish passport and turns ou that registration was lost so in 2013 I did it all again, sharing custody where I did not have to becuase the police forgot to tell me about §16! There was no other way, and sometimes shared custody is not in the childs best interests, so he is Danish (we are still waiting for his fathers signature to get his bevis for dansk statsborgerskab ... and it's tricky since unless both parents agree the child could really be stuck! I also cannot get his passport renewed unless his dad agrees ect. It did not matter since I decided before having my daugther I will stay here until she is 18 (Gosh a naive, uninformed decision I made then! I was young and did not like to travel LOL but had no idea that being unable to travel would be harder than I thought that day)

So the point is WE as parents had to agree, to give both my children travel documents. I was misinformed since now there is §16 for kids born efore 1999.  South Africa has different laws to countries like Austria, American ect. Their laws also hve clauses ... Making life tricky for me, and the other children that get stuck! Not being ble to travel ... and that only harms the child waving to his/her schoolmates going on trips. Is that fair on the child ... I have not needed to find out, but we parents stuck are really stuck! Now I am more stuck sharing custody because the police misinformed me - but only because each time I need a signature I have to wait, sometimes months!

But here the Danish law is "odd" - the childs nationality depends on the mothers' passport BUT if the parents share custody the child can become Danish if the father is a Dane. And a marriage share custody automatically ... while children born out of wedlock gives the mother custody by default. The default bit has changed ... and I think all share custody now.

I have always known that if I leave Denmark her dad could get her "back" so I chose to not go there - luckely I had a Danish judge as a friend that made me aware of this when I was pregnant. So, for about 7 yrs I was scared that "if" I loose my job I would be forced to leave my child here, luckely for me I had recieved my permanent residency when I actually did get sick and lost my job ... just to explain how severly this law combined with residency laws works!

Now think how this can mess with a 2e kiddo in a messy divorce or where parents disagree on the childs school needs or where the parents have to agree on the childs care, Noting that often getting divorced since having a 2e kid just makes it the easier option when things get real tough - it's statisically proven that parents with children that have handicaps have higher divorce rates - and nobody warns that parents can really cause havoc with a childs educational choices, especially the parent that does not join meetings, see the special ed needs or hear the psychologists.

But I guess not all the cases make the papers, but this one has. And I have know this problem has split many families apart ... many moms have lost their kids and many dads have as well!
I feel for these parents: Victoms of a political solution that had no possibility of being fool proof! We need a Global agreement. And somehow in 20 years time I bet we won't even need that ... only our imaginations can predict why ... but logically and naturally the world is filled with people, travelling ect. so it will eventually be solved, I hope - but I realise cases will allways depend on invisible factors.

I bet if those parents knew, I bet they would NEVER have wanted a child had they known they would be in this situation. Most people do not even think about this while enjoying a blissfull loving relationship and pregnancy. An International calamity indeed ... my heart goes to the mom, dad and the child. But, sadly giving birth to an 2e child is not something parents can know and those kids are realy hard work, so those cases are crazy before any other problems.
Sadly, the Danish Child Wellfare most likely will take the child into their care until the parents have settled the matter ... and both parents can see him 1 hour a month if he does not react negatively to seeing them. They have been known them to do that lately in custody battles, and they do NOT look at the parent being fit or unfit BUT they take a moments version and decide on that moment if the child is distressed. And this case is confusing, stressfull ... so, most likely is sadly a possibility! I pray they leave this case alone - it's complex enough as it is.
Duel Citizenship is not allowed by Danish law ... oops? A little detail ... I might have missed a law change, but I am sure I would have known had there been one! The matter is now rather complex, indeed very comlex ...but very interesting. Maybe I made a mistake here?

Twice Exceptional Denmark

Twice Exceptional Denmark er lavet for dobbelt exceptionelle børn dvs. børn med særlige forudsætninger som samtidig har indlæringsvanskeligheder. Disse børn kan have opmærksomheds-, koncentrations- og kontakt- vanskeligheder som oftest er pga. Ordblindhed/ Dyslexi, ADHD, AS, PDD NOS, OCD, Tourette osv.

Det ofte set at Børn med særlige forudsætninger er af natur Asynkron Udviklet dvs. det halter med at deres emotionelle og sociale udvikling følger med det som ses ved jævnaldrende, samtidig med at de lærer lynhurtigt det emner de er motiveret for og ender således ofte foran jævnaldrende i disse oråder, uden sparringspartner. Børnene ender ofte meget ”misforstået” og en tværfagligindsats er nødvendig hvis sådan en situation skal kunne vendes.

Tværfaglighed bør bestå af en BMSF konsulent/psykolog og derudover specialister jvf. barnets specifikke diagnoser og andre problemer hver gang handleplaner udarbejdes, barnets evalueres osv. Men der er langt vej endnu, da BMSF ikke anerkendes i Kommunerne, og dermed overses det at barnet har behov for en ”særlig” forståelse og indsigt for at børnene kan få den rette hjælp jvf. Socialloven og Inklusion.

Men desværre ses disse børn i AKT forløb, heldagsskoler og kan ende i Udsatte grupper:

De unge, som kommer til opholdsstederne, har været vanskelige at placere i de kommunale tilbud, hvor hverken de unge, som kommer til opholdstederne eller de elever, der går i de kommunale tilbud, vil profitere af at være sammen.